


Divorce no. 5

by Againstme



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Bastard Peter, Divorce, Fundamentally dysfunctional relationships, Humor, Inspired by a mid 2000s queb song as most good things are, M/M, Peter pushes Elias' buttons so hard he gets divorced
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:47:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22052758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Againstme/pseuds/Againstme
Summary: Elias stays blessedly silent for a few seconds, and Peter thinks that he may have just won this futile argument by tiring out Elias when a familiar shiver runs up Peter's spine as he's suddenly aware of howwatchedhe is.Elias' voice is much calmer and more in control than he expects it to be when he speaks up after the feeling has time to fully settle in, "Don't look back at me to answer," The thread isn't as strong as it could be, but Peter knows better than to fight it at this point, though he's not sure what Elias is planning with this little manifestation of his abilities, "What do you think I look like, Lukas?"Oh.Oh no. This is not going to go well.
Relationships: Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas
Comments: 40
Kudos: 509





	Divorce no. 5

_Quand je vois ton visage  
_ _Je pense à ton front  
_ _Et à tes joues  
_ _Elles finissent exactement là où commence ton menton_

> _Loin d’ici ,_ Les Trois Accords, Gros Mammouth Album Turbo (2004)

* * *

In all honesty, Peter does not think that this is as big of a deal as Elias is making it out to be. It's not that Peter doesn't understand how it could be insulting to have your husband mistake a stranger for you at a public gathering like this. No, Peter fully understands that aspect of it. 

But really, Elias shouldn't be surprised by such a thing by now. Especially not when _he_ insists on forcing Peter to come to these boring parties filled with even duller people to serve as some kind of arm candy. This one in particular has been dragging on for much longer than usual, and, frankly, if he didn't want Peter to lose him in the crowd, considering his height and all, Elias should have stayed nearby. Instead, he’d wandered off with some other vaguely familiar man whose name Peter hasn't learned half an hour after they’d arrived. This does not mean that Peter cares about what Elias does on his own time, of course. He couldn't possibly be bothered to worry himself with whatever relationships Elias has outside of the one they have, but it is still rather rude to abandon Peter as he did and then get offended after an innocent mistake like mistaking someone else for him.

So, yes, Peter does understand why Elias is offended, but that hardly makes Elias' screaming at him in public any less crass and unwarranted.

He tells Elias as much once he's finally with his initial tirade, something about how Peter was all over this stranger with no regard for appearances and how he should at least _glance_ at people's faces before shadowing them for two hours, Peter hasn't been listening very closely, "Please don't overreact like this, you're embarrassing me at your own party. It was a totally innocent mistake."

Peter savours the slowly shifting look on Elias' face at his words, the initial shock passing after a few seconds and going right back to burning, red-faced rage, "I- You- I," he stutters out before shaking his head, clenching his jaw, and roughly grabbing Peter's arm, "We're leaving." He pulls on Peter's arm and Peter follows while still give a little resistance, curious to see how far he can push this little fit before Elias loses the final shreds of his patience, " _Now_ ," Elias adds after a second, power flowing through his words, not particularly strong, Elias is hardly a servant of the Mother, but it’s unexpected enough that Peter doesn't even really think to try and resist it.

He's roughly dragged through the staring crowd - though he's making sure to avert their gazes from him onto Elias - and into the thankfully empty corridor. Elias stops them in front of the lift, punching the button to call it hard enough that the sound resonates through the room. 

The wait for the lift, coupled with the ride down seems to take an eternity, and the silence between them is awkward, even by _Peter's_ standards. Elias' grip on his arm barely even loosens, but his initial red-hot rage does seem to fizzle down to a more appropriate level of anger.

That's why as the lift doors open onto the ground floor of the venue, Peter feels safe enough to defend himself, "You really did look quite similar to that other young man, you know."

Immediately, the slight slack Peter had gotten on his arm tightens back up, "Peter," Elias spits out between gritted teeth, "We are doing this _outside_."

Peter allows himself to get dragged along again, passing through the main lobby and waving at the tired looking receptionist. She doesn't even look up at them, instead focused on some paper in front of her. Peter's not offended, he’s not looking for any kind of acknowledgement. Actually, he would rather she not respond at all. He mentally marks her out; with a little push in the right direction, she could make a great sacrifice to Forsaken.

Elias notices the move and, without a word, stops in his tracks, keeping his grip firm to stop Peter from moving ahead. He looks up at the receptionist, boring his gaze directly into her, probably coming to the same conclusion as Peter.

She looks up from her sheet of paper quickly, visibly uncomfortable, "Do you, uh," she looks around quickly, scanning the lobby before continuing, "Do you need anything?"

"You should call your sister tonight, Alice," Elias says, ignoring Peter's perhaps somewhat undignified noise of complaint at him ruining a perfectly good sacrifice, "She's not blamed you for your mother's death in years now," he continues, "And she does miss you."

The woman looks at both of them mouth agape for several seconds. Elias doesn't give her the time to say anything else before he continues to walk towards the exit, still pulling Peter along.

As soon as the door shuts behind them and they're hit by the cool night air, Peter speaks, "Now that was entirely unacceptable. She would have been a great meal. This is all entirely beneath you, Elias. Especially since my mistake was justifiable, considering the obvious similarities between the other man and you."

Elias finally lets go of Peter to throw his hands up in the air, exasperated, "Peter, we looked _nothing_ alike! We weren't the same height, we didn't even have the same hair colour. Nothing about him was _anything_ like me!" he says, voice bordering on shouting angrily again, breaking through the peaceful quiet of the night around them.

"That can't possibly be true," Peter answers without missing a beat, using his newfound freedom from Elias to start walking ahead of the other man, towards the car they'd taken to get here, "Though, in retrospect, the man I was with was rather prettier than you are." It's a low dig, and a lie - Peter has no idea what the man looked like, he'd be surprised if he even glanced at the other man's face for more than half a second - but he hears Elias audibly exhale behind him and he can imagine the ugly snarl on stuck on the other's face right now, "I think you just don’t know what you actually look like. All that body-swapping can't be good for one's mind, it's okay for you to be a little confused sometimes."

Elias stays blessedly silent for a few seconds, and Peter thinks that he may have just won this futile argument by tiring out Elias when a familiar shiver runs up Peter's spine as he's suddenly aware of how _watched_ he is.

Elias' voice is much calmer and more in control than he expects it to be when he speaks up after the feeling has time to fully settle in, " _Don't look back at me to answer_ ," The thread isn't as strong as it could be, but Peter knows better than to fight it at this point, though he's not sure what Elias is planning with this little manifestation of his abilities, " _What do you think I look like, Lukas?_ "

Oh. _Oh no_. This is not going to go well.

Words start forming on Peter's tongue, vague and far from satisfactory. He bites them down as long as he can, trying to find a more coherent answer.

"You're short," he says quickly when his head starts to ache. That one he _is_ sure about, it's a sore spot for Elias that he's poked at quite a few times, "You're quite cranky usually," he continues.

"That's not a physical feature," Elias points out, not yet freeing Peter from the question he's been asked.

"You're wearing a suit." Another thing Peter's sure about. Elias wouldn't be caught dead in public without one. He's not sure of the colour, but Elias is a very boring man when it comes to more mundane things, so the guess is easy enough, "It's black, and I suppose it must be expensive for you, considering your limited budget-"

Elias cuts him off before Peter can continue his explanation, thankfully before he can try to guess at what colour tie he's wearing, "You know full well I don't care if you know what clothes I'm wearing." he says anger taking over his voice again before going back to the carefully neutral one from before, " _What does my face look like? What colour is my hair?_ "

Again, Peter bites his tongue for a few seconds before speaking, but the thread is stronger this time, hooking its teeth into the words and pulling them out before he can get his thoughts into a decent order, "You have a forehead, and cheeks, and a nose, and only two eyes," he breathes out, testing how much wiggle room he's been left to ramble on while trying to figure out the answer to Elias' second question, "which, if I'm entirely frank, I've always found surprising, " Apparently, Elias has had mercy on him this time and left him with a fair amount of room to veer off topic. A small mercy, but a mercy nonetheless, "I always expected someone of your type would gain a few extras over time. Perhaps in a way similar to how that bone fellow acquires his new bones." Peter stops and bites his tongue again, drawing a blank. 

He has no idea what colour Elias' hair is, he's never really had any reason to pay attention to such a frivolous detail, but right now it's coming back to bite him. Elias does strike him as a blond though, "As for your hair," he continues, "it's short and blond."

Elias laughs dryly behind him, "Wrong. Try again."

"Your questions aren't particularly fair, _Jonah_ ," Peter stresses each syllable of the name to mark his point, "You have changed a lot in the last few years."

Elias clicks his tongue disapprovingly, "I've been Elias for over five years now, but I'll consider your argument and forget your astonishingly bad answers at my simple questions if you can answer this last one," Peter hears Elias taking steps toward him, wrapping one arm around Peter and pulling him closer, "And don't worry about this one, I'm quite sure the answer has not changed in the time we've known each other," Elias raises himself up so he can whisper into Peter's ear - or as close as possible anyway, Peter notes that he doesn't quite make it high enough for that - and whispers, the smile obvious in his voice, " _What colour are my eyes?_ " 

Peter's mouth feels dry as he tries to fight against the compulsion again, the words pulling desperately trying to pull words directly out of Peter's head. He knows that Elias' eyes aren't brown. His stare wouldn't feel so cold if they were. Maybe Jonah was a blond, that would explain why Peter was so sure Elias was as well. If so, it would make sense for him to have had-

Elias interrupts his train of thought by shifting his other arm to go over his shoulder, placed loosely across his chest, in a mockery of a hug, " _Answer the question, Lukas._ " The words ring in his ears, pulling more firmly on his mind.

"Blue." Peter blurts out finally, not catching himself quite in time.

Elias inhales before breathing out audibly. His hand gently traces the line of Peter's jaw and he presses a quick kiss to the back of Peter's neck before untangling his arms and walking around him toward the waiting car. He doesn't look back at Peter, instead checking his nails as he opens the door to the car, "I'll be telling the chauffeur to call for another car."

Finally, Elias turns around and allowed Peter to see his face and his two very _green_ eyes. Peter shrugs. His answer was close enough.

As he's getting in the car, Elias adds, "I'll be having my lawyer contact yours and set up an appointment for Monday, just to get the papers finalized. By this point, I believe it's quite routine for everyone involved." He closes the door behind him and rolls the window down as the car starts driving off, leaving Peter alone in the night, "See you Monday, Lukas."

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Comment/Kudos appreciated!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](https://jaredboneturner.tumblr.com/).


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